Author: stagingchristyro

Living with trauma can have a significant impact on our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health, as well as our daily functioning and overall quality of life.

Trauma robs us of our hope.

Trauma blocks love and connection.

Trauma blocks who you are – it gets in the way of the real you.

Trauma can occur as a result of:

• An event
• A set of events
• Or an enduring situation (long-term, e.g., child abuse, neglect)

Situations that are beyond our sphere of reference or capacity to process can result in a trauma response (heightened emotional response). It is too big for us, we don’t have a reference for this experience, emotion, thoughts, or physical reaction.

Another indication of trauma is when there is a quality that feels above and beyond the situation.

In the event of an overwhelming experience = our body has the capacity to hold a certain amount of it. This capacity varies within each person.

Trauma has a way of making our worlds small because there can be a tendency to avoid the things that activate us.

With my clients, I find it useful to differentiate between the story and the feelings. The story keeps you cognitive and inhibits processing which is why some people who work with therapists that focus on ‘talk therapy’ do not get great results. To be clear, I am not saying the story does not matter but your healing depends on you being present in the moment – with the feelings.

I don’t want my clients to relive traumatic events. The pain must be witnessed, yes – we do need to tell the story, but studies are showing, not over and over. We don’t want it to be encoding in the brain. The repeated story is proven to increase cortisol and this can then become like railway tracks in our minds.

When trauma surfaces and comes up, practice being ‘with it’ rather than ‘in it.’ Sit with it, lean in, and get curious about how you feel, instead of being ‘in it’. This distinction is an important element in the journey toward healing which is why working with a qualified, experienced, and trauma-informed professional is so important.

Healing trauma is totally possible. We can definitely release a lot of what we are carrying. As you do ‘the work’ you learn to do it quicker and move to the healing faster. But it is susceptible to being reactivated, if, and when another big event occurs.

The voices can remain in your head however the volume goes down, and you’re not as reactive or victimised by them. Even though they can still be there. Your level of tolerance increases.

Sometimes with cumulative events, studies show that the number of events a person experiences can affect the individual’s response. When there are lots and lots of events a person can become normalised by the number of them. So, the effect may not be as dramatic as with someone else who has only had a fewer number of events.

Studies also show that if you can provide support through the first days (30ish) it reduces the effects of ongoing trauma. Support does not mean medication because research also indicates that anti-anxiety medication is proven to increase the likelihood of PTSD.

How Trauma Affects and Impacts Us

Before we launch into the effects and impact of trauma, it’s important to note that these effects are not universal. Everyone and every experience are unique, therefore different people will experience trauma in different ways.

Emotional Distress: People who have experienced trauma may struggle with anxiety, depression, grief, anger, shame, guilt, fear, and a host of other intense emotions that can be difficult to manage. These feelings can interfere with their ability to form and maintain relationships, work, and enjoy life.

Physical Health Problems: Trauma can have physical health consequences, such as the increased risk of chronic pain, heart disease, digestive problems, chronic fatigue, and other health issues. Trauma survivors may also be more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviours, such as substance abuse or self-harm.

Relationship Difficulties: Trauma can impact our ability to trust others, form healthy relationships, and communicate effectively. Leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and breakdowns in relationships. Trauma survivors may struggle to express themselves clearly, listen actively, make decisions, and engage in constructive dialogue with others.

Hypervigilance: Trauma can lead to a state of hyperarousal or hypervigilance, where individuals feel constantly on edge and vigilant for signs of danger. When a person is constantly on high alert for potential threats this can lead to difficulty sleeping, irritability, being easily startled, fatigue, and experiencing irritability or anger.

Flashbacks, Triggers & Nightmares: Trauma survivors may experience flashbacks which are vivid and intrusive memories of the traumatic event, or be activated by certain sights, sounds, or situations that remind them of their trauma. They may also have nightmares or recurring dreams about the trauma or something related. This can cause them to feel as if they are reliving the traumatic experience, leading to increased anxiety and distress. These experiences can be distressing and disruptive to daily functioning. These are all signals from your system. Cues that things need to be worked through.

Sense of Self: Trauma can damage a person’s sense of self, leading to feelings of worthlessness, not belonging, abandonment, and low self-esteem. Trauma survivors may struggle to develop a positive and stable sense of self, leading to difficulty in establishing a clear identity, making decisions, understanding and expressing their own needs and feelings, and pursuing meaningful goals.

Emotional Instability & Regulation: Trauma can disrupt a person’s ability to regulate their emotions, leading to intense emotional reactions, mood swings, and difficulty managing stress. This can impact their relationships with others, as they may struggle to communicate effectively, manage conflict, or show empathy towards others.

Trust and Intimacy: Trauma survivors may struggle to form trusting and intimate relationships with others, as they may have experienced a betrayal of trust or a loss of safety in the past. It can affect our capacity to give and receive love. This can lead to difficulties with intimacy, commitment, and vulnerability in intimate relationships.

Boundaries: Trauma can cause a person to feel a loss of control over their body, thoughts, and emotions, which can make them more vulnerable to having their boundaries violated. Trauma can impact a person’s ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. Trauma survivors may struggle to assert their needs and preferences, leading to difficulty in their relationships with others.

Avoidance Behaviours: Trauma survivors may avoid certain people, places, or activities that remind them of their traumatic experiences. For example, a person who was in a car accident may avoid driving or riding in cars. Someone who has experienced a traumatic loss may avoid shopping centres for fear of being triggered or running into someone they know. This can lead to difficulty completing everyday tasks and limit opportunities for connection, personal growth, and enjoyment.

Memory and Concentration Difficulties: Trauma can cause difficulties with memory and concentration, making it challenging to remember details or stay focused on tasks. This can lead to decreased productivity and difficulty completing work or school assignments. It is not unusual for adults who have experienced abuse or neglect as a child to have trouble recalling childhood memories.

Substance Use: Trauma survivors may turn to drugs, alcohol, and addictive behaviours as a way of coping with their traumatic experiences by attempting to numb or avoid the pain. This can lead to substance abuse and addiction, which then impacts daily functioning and quality of life.

Dissociation: Trauma survivors may experience dissociation, which is a disconnection from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories, and surroundings. Dissociation can cause a person to feel numb or disconnected from reality, making it difficult to engage in daily activities and form quality relationships with yourself and others.

Self-Destructive Behaviours: Trauma can lead to self-destructive behaviours, such as self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts. These behaviours may be an attempt to cope with intense emotional distress and can lead to further physical and emotional harm.

Guilt and Shame: Trauma survivors may experience intense feelings of guilt and shame, even if they are not responsible for the traumatic event. These feelings can lead to low self-esteem, social isolation, and difficulty trusting themselves and others.

Negative Beliefs and Attitudes: Trauma can lead to negative beliefs and attitudes, such as a belief that the world is unsafe, life is too hard, life hurts, it’s not safe to love, or that other people are not trustworthy. There are many more examples. These beliefs can impact how a person interacts with others and life and can lead to further social isolation.

Healing from Trauma

Healing from trauma can be a complex and ongoing process. The work is ongoing, it is not a few days, a week, or a few sessions. It can keep coming up which is why we need tools and why knowing the tools helps.

It is totally possible to work towards greater well-being and healing over time. Seeking support from a qualified professional or trauma-informed and experienced coach can be an important step in this process.

Through therapy and doing the work, individuals can learn strategies for managing the effects of trauma, building resilience, and forming healthy relationships.

Oftentimes as a coping mechanism, trauma is suppressed or avoided, sometimes for decades. This means that a person has not fully processed or dealt with their traumatic experiences. Rather than addressing the trauma directly, they may try to push the memories, emotions, and physical sensations associated with the trauma out of their conscious awareness. This can occur consciously and unconsciously.

It’s like putting a band aid on a festering wound, you may get some temporary relief, but you are literally trapping the pain inside and it is not healing. This energy remains in your body, sometimes for decades, often leading to physical and mental health issues.

Sometimes seemingly out of nowhere, it can suddenly start resurfacing. This can take many forms including panic attacks, relationship dysfunction, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, anger, addictions, fatigue, and more. It’s like your body, your internal compass is saying – something isn’t right and it’s time to deal with it.

For many people there comes a time in their life when they simply know they need to address this internal conflict and can’t put it off any longer.

Working with a trauma-informed coach and self-directed healing (SDH) practitioner who processes deep emotional pain energetically through the physical body is an effective approach to healing trauma.

How working with a Professional can help

Release of Stored Emotions: Trauma can become stuck in the body and manifest as physical pain, tension, disease, and other symptoms. Experienced SDH practitioners can help individuals to identify and release stored emotions, allowing them to process the trauma faster and achieve a greater sense of emotional freedom, and well-being.

Energetic Balancing: Trauma can disrupt the natural flow of energy in the body, leading to imbalances and blockages. Working with a professional can help individuals to restore balance and flow to the body’s energetic system, promoting physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual healing.

Mind-Body Connection: Trauma can create a disconnection between the mind, heart, and body, making it difficult to connect with and understand one’s own physical and emotional experiences. Working with an SDH practitioner who integrates emotional, somatic, and energetic approaches to healing can help people to re-establish a strong mind-body connection, promoting greater self-awareness and healing.

Safety and Trust: Building safety and trust is paramount in enabling healing to occur. Creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment for individuals to process their trauma is a key element. This can help to restore a sense of safety and trust in oneself and others, which is often disrupted by trauma. Choosing your coach and self-directed healing practitioner needs consideration. Are they able to demonstrate experience and expertise in working with trauma? Are they suitably qualified? Do you trust they can hold space to enable you to be vulnerable and facilitate healing?

Holistic Healing: Trauma affects every aspect of a person’s being, including physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. An experienced and trauma-informed SDH practitioner who processes deep emotional pain energetically through the physical body can provide a holistic approach to healing that addresses all aspects of a person’s well-being, resulting in a deeper sense of calmness and balance.

Tips for dealing with and healing past trauma:

1. Practice Self-Care: Practicing self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, drinking water, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, can help to support your overall health and well-being.
2. Develop Coping Strategies: Coping strategies, such as self-directed healing, deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, or journaling, can help you manage the intense emotions and physical sensations that may arise when triggered by past trauma.
3. Build a Support System: Having a supportive network of friends, family, or a trauma support group can be a valuable resource for healing. Talking with others who have experienced similar trauma can help you feel less alone and provide a safe space to share your experiences and feelings with people who understand.
4. Seek Professional Help: Trauma can be complex and difficult to navigate on your own. Seeking professional help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist, coach, or SDH practitioner, who specializes in trauma can be an important first step toward healing.
5. Practice feeling your emotions: Learn to listen to your body, with practice it will speak to you. When it feels overwhelming, practice being in the moment, get out of the story, and notice what you’re actually feeling. What do you feel? Where is it in your body? Name it, feel it, let it be. This involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Becoming more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, learning to manage & process them in a more self-directed, positive, and healthy way.
6. Use Creative Expression: Engaging in creative expressions, such as art, music, movement, or writing, can help you process and express your emotions in a safe and healthy way. Listen to your body and allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up.

Remember that healing from trauma is a process, and it can take time and effort. Be patient and gentle with yourself. It can be a challenging and emotional process, but it is also a courageous step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.

Tips for being brave enough to dive in and heal past trauma:

1. Practice self-compassion and self-care, and be kind to yourself throughout the healing journey.
2. Create a safe and supportive environment, whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and family members.
3. Acknowledge and accept that healing from trauma takes time and effort, and that it may not be an easy process. But… it is worth it, for both yourself and those around you.
4. Be willing to explore and process difficult emotions and memories, and allow yourself to feel them fully without judgment or self-criticism.
5. Understand that talk therapy is cognitive and does not heal your heart. Talk therapy is a mental (cognitive) process and trauma is often stored in the body, heart, and gut.
6. Stay committed to the healing process, even when you feel resistance, it feels difficult or uncomfortable. Keep your eye on the end game – how you ultimately want to feel and show up in life.

Overall, dealing with trauma can lead to a greater sense of well-being and personal growth and can help us to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Always remember healing from past trauma is a personal and unique journey, and it is important to find the approach that works best for you. Be patient and gentle with yourself, and know that healing is totally possible with time, effort, and support.

If you are curious or ready to start your healing journey, I encourage you to book a free discovery call.

Self-sabotage is any behavior or thought pattern that gets in the way of your progress toward your goals. It shows up in many forms including negative self-talk, procrastination, perfectionism, poor boundaries, avoidance, and self-destructive behaviors like binge eating or substance abuse.

Self-sabotage is universal. We all experience it at some point, in our own unique way, which is why we need to learn to self-manage it. It’s a common behaviour where we create obstacles or difficulties that prevent us from achieving our goals or living up to our full potential. It takes many forms, and it often occurs unconsciously, making it challenging to recognize and address.

It’s often rooted in fear, shame, self-doubt, or a lack of confidence in your ability to succeed. It can be difficult to overcome without addressing the emotional wounds underlying these issues that are keeping you stuck. As a Life and Results Coach and the Global Self Directed Healing Practitioner Trainer, I’ve helped so many clients break the cycle of self-sabotage and achieve their goals.

In this article, we’ll explore what self-sabotage is and what you can do to overcome it.

Self-sabotage is part of our Ego

There’s nothing wrong with us, it’s the human condition, it’s in us. Part of the role of the ego is to keep ourselves safe. The ego likes to compare things and assess situations. It often considers new activities to be scary because they are not familiar or known. Our brain switches on, emotions come out and in unsafe situations this is important, it helps to keep us safe. However, what happens is our egos can become overactive and switch on too much.

It’s not unusual for the ego to show up when you want to change something about yourself. Improve, level up, or move towards becoming a better version of yourself. Have you ever noticed behavioural patterns in situations where they don’t serve you? For example, you decide you want to exercise more, eat healthier, go for a promotion, or create some healthy boundaries in a relationship, then find you don’t do anything!

With the potential of us changing and becoming someone new, sometimes our egos jump in and prevent that from happening by creating another problem. It’s really saying, I’m going to protect myself from what I don’t know.

Just when we have the potential to really grow and flourish and turn into the next version of ourselves, our ego wants to keep us the same. The key here is to have a relationship with our ego that’s resourceful and healthy, not unresourceful and unhealthy.

Please understand that problems and challenges are going to appear. When you want to create a new habit, or start something new, resistance is likely going to come up. The key to overcoming self-sabotage is to learn to have a great relationship with resistance.

Common forms of self-sabotage

Procrastination: Procrastination is overthinking, over worrying, over planning, putting things off, and waiting for the ‘right time’. Procrastination just prolongs the worst bit, where nothing happens! People often procrastinate when they are doing something new that’s outside their comfort zone. They can struggle with self-discipline and time management, and they may feel overwhelmed or anxious. This is usually the ego trying to keep you safe. To learn more about Procrastination check out these resources:

1. 4 Reasons We Procrastinate and How to Break the Pattern
2. Free Guide to Break the Procrastination Cycle

Negative self-talk and self-doubt: Negative self-talk involves your inner critic that can be harsh and judgmental. Negative self-talk may show up as beliefs, e.g. I’m not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough to succeed, which can lead to feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem. If you constantly tell yourself that you’re not good enough or that you’ll never achieve your goals, it can be hard to stay motivated and make progress.

Perfectionism: Perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage that involves setting impossibly high standards for yourself and then feeling like a failure when those standards are not met. Perfectionists may struggle with anxiety, stress, and overwhelm, and they may have trouble delegating tasks to others or accepting help. To overcome perfectionism, it’s important to focus on progress rather than perfection and to set realistic goals. Begin by taking imperfect action.

Self-medication and substance abuse: Self-medication involves using drugs, alcohol or even food, to cope with negative emotions or stress. It is a symptom of an underlying problem that needs to be healed. People who engage in self-medication may struggle with addiction and may experience physical and mental health problems as a result. To overcome self-medication, it’s important to seek professional help and support from loved ones. Substance abuse can have serious negative consequences for your health, including damage to your liver, heart, and other organs. It can also interfere with your ability to make healthy choices and stick to your goals.

Avoidance: Avoidance involves avoiding situations or tasks that may be challenging or uncomfortable. People who engage in avoidance can miss out on opportunities for growth and learning, and they may struggle with feelings of guilt or regret. To overcome avoidance, it’s important to identify the underlying reasons for the avoidance and to work on developing coping strategies and self-compassion.

Overeating or Binge Eating: Many people turn to food as a way to cope with stress, anxiety, or other emotional issues. Overeating or binge eating can have negative consequences for your physical and mental health and make it harder to achieve your health and fitness goals.

Lack of Physical Activity: If you’re not getting enough physical activity, you may be sabotaging your health and fitness goals. Sedentary behaviour can lead to weight gain, muscle loss, and a host of other health problems.

Lack of Planning or Vision: Without a plan, vision, or direction, it can be hard to make progress toward your goals. If you’re not setting specific, achievable goals and developing a plan to achieve them, you may be sabotaging your success. The starting point is having some clarity around your vision and direction. If you don’t know where to start, speak to a life coach, it’s what they do.

Questions to ask yourself

Here are some questions you can ask yourself (or someone else) to raise awareness around self-sabotage:

1. Do you find yourself setting goals but not following through on them? If so, what gets in the way of your progress, what are you doing to sabotage your results?
2. Do you struggle with negative self-talk or harsh self-criticism? How does this affect your mood and motivation?
3. Do you find yourself procrastinating or avoiding tasks that you know you need to do? If so, what feelings or thoughts come up when you think about doing those tasks?
4. Do you tend to compare yourself to others or set impossibly high standards for yourself? How does this affect your self-esteem and self-worth?
5. Do you engage in any self-destructive behaviours, such as substance abuse, binge or comfort eating, or self-harm? What triggers these behaviours, and how do they affect your overall well-being?
6. What are your biggest fears around getting the results you want in life?

By reflecting on these questions, you can begin to identify patterns of self-sabotage in your thoughts and behaviours. Having conscious awareness can help you develop strategies for addressing self-sabotage and moving towards greater self-acceptance and fulfilment.

How to overcome self-sabotage

Self-sabotage can be a major obstacle to achieving your goals, but it doesn’t have to hold you back. Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to overcome self-sabotage and achieve your goals.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

1. Develop self-awareness: Pay attention to your thoughts and behaviours and build the muscles of noticing when you are engaging in self-sabotage. To combat negative self-talk, firstly you must notice it. Then begin to challenge it, for example: is it true, kind, helpful, does it serve you? A good question to consider is, would I say that to my best friend? This conscious awareness can help you identify triggers and develop new habits that support your goals. Check out this video: How to Have Empowering Beliefs

2. Practice self-compassion: Cultivate a sense of self-compassion and self-acceptance, even in the face of setbacks or challenges. This can help you feel more motivated and resilient in the face of obstacles. It’s important to acknowledge that setbacks are a natural part of the process, and you are worthy of love and respect regardless of how you perform.

3. Set realistic and intentional goals: Setting goals that align with your values, purpose, and desires can help you find intrinsic motivation and stay on track. Make sure your goals are SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound) to set yourself up for success. Set goals that are challenging but achievable, and break them down into smaller, manageable steps. This can help you build confidence and momentum as you work towards your objectives. Want more info about Goals, check out these resources:

• Video: Setting Your Goals
• Video: When to Change Direction of Your Goals
• Workbook: Goal Setting – Purpose is our Fuel
• Article: 9 Smart Goal Setting Questions You Need to Ask Yourself

4. Develop coping strategies: Develop healthy coping strategies for dealing with stress, negative emotions, and other triggers for self-sabotage. This can include activities like meditation, walking, exercise, or creative expression. Read my article: The Art of Stress Management.

5. Seek support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or professional coaches and healers. A strong support system can provide accountability, motivation, and a safe space to process your emotions as you work to overcome self-sabotage.

6. Acknowledge and heal emotional wounds: Start by identifying and acknowledging the emotional wounds that may be fuelling your self-sabotage. Often, we don’t have conscious awareness of these which is why we need external professional support. They could be old wounds, past traumas, limiting beliefs, or negative self-talk that you’ve internalised. It’s important to address these underlying issues to create space for new healthy habits to form. This is a great video: Find Your Emotional Freedom.

7. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques can help you become more self-aware and present in the moment. By staying present, you can begin to recognize patterns of self-sabotage before they derail your progress.

8. Awareness is key: Appreciate it’s universal, and not unique to you. It happens to everyone. It’s about rising above the noise, connecting with your awareness, and saying I know what I’m doing here, I’ve got this.

9. Take action: One of the easiest ways to overcome procrastination is to break tasks down into smaller, manageable steps and create a schedule or plan to help you stay on track. You just have to do it, especially if you don’t want to! I sometimes imagine how great I’ll feel once it’s done.

10. Work with the resistance: Recognise the resistance, it will happen. You must break through and do the thing anyway. Learn to appreciate and understand that you will grow from this experience, and you’ll be better off because of it. Create new thought patterns like; I’m doing it anyway and it’s OK, or resistance is normal but it’s not going to stop me.

11. Create reference points for success: Create and celebrate the moments where you say yes and do the thing, even if it’s not perfect. It overrides the old conditioning of self-sabotage, self-doubt and procrastination. If we do this for long enough, if we neurologically condition our brain to give it a go, and if you smile when you do it, it releases dopamine in your system and your body becomes receptive to good things happening. Your system changes.

Overcoming self-sabotage is a journey that requires self-awareness, emotional healing, and intentional action. As a Life and Results Coach and Self Directed Healing Practitioner, I’m here to support you on this path.

Benefits of Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Overcoming self-sabotage has numerous benefits for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Here are just a few of the benefits:

1. Increased Motivation: By overcoming self-sabotage, you’ll be better able to stay motivated and on track towards your goals – from health & fitness, relationships, career, financial to hobbies and fun. You’ll be less likely to give in to negative self-talk or procrastination, and more likely to take intentional action towards what’s most important to you.
2. Improved Health: Self-sabotage behaviours like overeating or substance abuse can have negative consequences for your health. Breaking these patterns improves your overall well-being, increases energy levels, and reduces your risk of chronic disease.
3. Reduced Stress: Self-sabotage can be a major source of stress and anxiety. By addressing these issues and developing healthier coping mechanisms, you’ll be able to reduce your overall stress levels and improve your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
4. Greater Self-Awareness: Overcoming self-sabotage requires a high degree of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. By developing these skills, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the challenges of daily life, improve your relationships with both youself and others, and maintain your progress over the long term.
5. Increased Self-Confidence: Overcoming self-sabotage can be a major boost to your self-confidence and self-esteem. By proving to yourself that you can achieve your goals and overcome obstacles, you’ll be better equipped to take on new challenges and pursue your dreams.

The key to moving through self-sabotage is awareness and action. It’s recognising it and doing it anyway. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is a fabulous book by Susan Jeffers. The moment the ego kicks in and says we should avoid this, you’ll recognise it, bring awareness to it, and then choose to move forward anyway.

I have numerous free resources and related articles & videos on my website and YouTube Channel. If you subscribe to our mailing list you’ll be notified of upcoming Workshops and Free Master Classes.

If you are interested in a Workshop for your Team or would like to explore working 1:1 with an award-winning Coach and Self Directed Healing Practitioner, book your free discovery call here.

In conclusion, overcoming self-sabotage is an important step on the path to greater health, happiness, and well-being. By following the strategies outlined in this article and seeking support from a coach, therapist, or healer as needed, you can break the cycle of self-sabotage and achieve your goals. Remember to be kind to yourself and to celebrate your progress along the way.

I believe it’s our life’s journey to become the best versions of ourselves. To strive to reach the potential of the person that’s deep inside us, that we were born to be. We’ve been given this gift of life and it’s our job to discover all that we can about ourselves and tap into our fullest potential.

Medical research estimates as much as 90% of illness and disease is stress-related. Some stress can be healthy and is a natural response to perceived threats or challenges, but chronic and ongoing stress can most definitely have negative effects on our physical, emotional and mental health.

Chronic stress is a type of stress that occurs over a prolonged period of time. Unlike acute stress, which is a short-term stress response that helps the body cope with a perceived threat or challenge, chronic stress can persist for weeks, months, or even years.

Chronic stress can contribute to the development of a range of health problems, including heart disease, high blood pressure, and digestive problems. It can also lead to mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, mood disorders and substance abuse.

Chronic stress can be caused by a variety of factors, including ongoing financial difficulties, work-related stress, chronic health conditions, grief, trauma, and relationship problems, to name a few. The body’s stress response system, which is designed to help us respond to acute stress, can become overactive when exposed to ongoing chronic stress.

As a Life Coach and the Global Self Directed Healing Practitioner Trainer, I have seen firsthand the impact that these factors can have on individuals. In this article, I will explore the effects of stress and unprocessed emotions on our health and well-being and provide heaps of tips for managing them.

The Symptoms and Impacts of Stress

Here are some examples of how stress and emotional pain can affect different aspects of our lives:

1. Increased risk of cardiovascular disease: Chronic stress has been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, including high blood pressure, heart attack and diabetes.
2. Weakened or suppressed immune system: Chronic stress can weaken your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness and disease.
3. Physical tension: When you are stressed or experiencing emotional pain, your muscles may become tense and tight. This can lead to headaches and physical pain, especially in the neck, shoulders, and back.
4. Chronic pain: Long-term stress and emotional pain can lead to chronic pain conditions such as fibromyalgia.
5. Digestive problems: Stress can disrupt the digestive system, leading to symptoms such as nausea, diarrhea, and constipation.
6. Sleep disturbances: Stress and emotional pain can affect the quality and quantity of sleep, leading to fatigue, impaired cognitive function and other health problems.
7. Mental Health: Stress can cause anxiety, depression, irritability, mood swings, and difficulty concentrating. If left unaddressed, it can lead to more serious mental health disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder.
8. Cognitive function and memory: can be affected and impaired.
9. Relationship problems: Stress and emotional pain can have negative impacts on our relationships with others. People who are experiencing high levels of stress and emotional pain may become withdrawn, socially isolated, irritable, or have difficulty communicating with others. You may be more prone to conflict, communication problems, and difficulties with intimacy, putting further strain on relationships.
10. Disconnection from self and others: When feeling stressed it can lead to apathy or disconnection. We can disconnect from social situations, nature, exercise, activities, hobbies, even ourselves. There could be missed opportunities for self-care activities to recover and recharge. This can lead to a monotonous and unbalanced lifestyle, plus feelings of isolation and loneliness.
11. Work Performance: Stress and emotional pain can affect a person’s ability to concentrate, focus and be productive at work. It can also lead to absenteeism, reduced job satisfaction, and even job loss in some cases.
12. Cellular aging: Chronic stress has been associated with an increased risk of premature aging and accelerated cellular aging.
13. Self-destructive behaviors: Emotions that are not processed can lead to self-destructive behaviors such as overeating, undereating, self-harm, and other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
14. Addictions & substance abuse: Stress is associated with an increased risk of substance abuse and addiction.
15. Self-Care: When someone is experiencing stress and emotional pain, they may struggle to take care of themselves. This can lead to neglecting basic needs such as sleep, nutrition, exercise, and hygiene.

Overall, stress and deep emotional pain can have a significant impact on a person’s physical, emotional, and social well-being. If left unmanaged, chronic stress can have a significant negative impact on your overall well-being and quality of life.

It is essential to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if you are struggling with stress and emotional pain.

Tips to Recognise and Manage Stress

The impact of stress varies based on individual factors such as genetics, environment, and personal coping strategies. Therefore, to optimise your well-being, manage and cope with your stress effectively, you need to determine your limits and find what works best for you.

Some self-awareness tips to help you recognise and manage stress include:

1. Listen to your body: Your body gives you valuable information about your stress levels. Pay attention to physical symptoms, such as tension in your muscles or changes in your appetite, and use this information to take action.
2. Take breaks: Taking regular breaks can help you manage stress and prevent burnout. This may involve stepping away from your desk for a few minutes to stretch or take a walk, or simply taking a few deep breaths. Make time for activities you enjoy and that help you relax, such as going for a walk, listening to music, or spending time with friends and loved ones.
3. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of the signs of stress in your body and mind.
4. Practice self-care: Self-care is essential for managing stress. Engage in activities that promote your physical and mental well-being, such as exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, and taking time for relaxation and fun.
5. Get outside: Spending time in nature and getting fresh air and sunlight can help reduce stress and improve your mood.
6. Set boundaries: Saying no to commitments that cause you stress or taking breaks from work or other responsibilities can help you manage stress and prevent burnout. One of the most important steps in managing cultural stress is to set boundaries. Learn to say no to requests or obligations that are not essential or that will add too much stress to your life. Be mindful of your limits and prioritize the things that are most important to you. This may involve setting limits on work hours, disconnecting from technology outside of work hours, and prioritising rest and relaxation.
7. Prioritise relationships: Strong social connections can help us manage stress and provide a support system during difficult times. Prioritising relationships with friends and family can help us build resilience and cope with stress more effectively. Make time for relationships that bring you joy and help you feel supported. Here’s more information on Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships.
8. Keep a (stress) journal: Keeping a journal is a fabulous self-reflection and awareness activity that can help you identify patterns in your stress and how it affects you. By recording your thoughts and emotions, you may be able to identify triggers and then practice connecting with your emotions so they are processed and healed. Take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It can help you gain clarity, release pent-up emotions, and explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe and private space.
9. Practice Self Directed Healing: Learn to connect with and feel your emotions and limiting beliefs. Self Directed Healing is an extremely effective way to process emotional pain and energy, especially if it is stuck or trapped in your body. Once emotions are fully felt they release and leave the body, resulting in you feeling much calmer and balanced.
10. Build a support network: Building a support network of friends, family, and peers can be an important source of emotional support and encouragement. Reach out to others for help and support when you need it, and be willing to offer support to others in return.
11. Seek professional support: If you are struggling with emotional or mental challenges, it’s important to seek professional support. A Coach, Self Directed Healing Practitioner or mental health professional can provide guidance and support to help you navigate difficult emotions and develop coping strategies. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it.
12. Get enough sleep: Sleep is essential for our physical and emotional health. Aim to get 7-8 hours of sleep per night and establish a consistent sleep schedule to help you maintain good sleep hygiene. 20 tips for a better night’s sleep.
13. Practice good time management: Prioritizing tasks and breaking them down into smaller, manageable steps can help you reduce feelings of overwhelm and stress. Learn to Master Your Time so that you can Master Your Life.
14. Avoid self-medicating: Using substances like alcohol, drugs, or overeating to cope with stress can actually make stress worse in the long run. Find healthier ways to manage stress.
15. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Practice self-compassion by recognizing your strengths and limitations and treating yourself with empathy and understanding.
16. Find meaning: Finding meaning and purpose in your life can help you stay motivated and resilient in the face of stress. This may involve pursuing a hobby, volunteering, or engaging in activities that align with your values. If you feel you have no clear direction or purpose, get some Life Coaching.
17. Develop healthy coping strategies: Focus on developing healthy coping strategies such as self-directed healing, deep breathing, mindfulness, and meditation. You can also practice progressive muscle relaxation, yoga or visualization. These strategies can help you stay calm and centered in the face of challenges.
18. Work Life Balance: Is your life balanced across the different areas: career, relationships, health & fitness, hobbies & interests, wealth & abundance? If you are out of balance, this creates a roll-on stress effect in your body and nervous system. When you work towards gaining a greater balance in all the different aspects of your life, you will inevitably feel less stress. Here are some more tips on better work life balance.

Remember, everyone experiences stress, and it’s a normal part of life. However, it’s important to recognise when stress becomes overwhelming and is taking a toll on your mental and physical health. You want to control your stress, not have it controlling you.

How Does Emotion Affect Stress?

Stress is an emotion. It’s a feeling in the body.

Unfortunately, in our Western culture, we are not accustomed or raised to feel our full emotional range in healthy ways.

When we experience emotions, our bodies respond in various ways, including changes in heart rate, breathing, and muscle tension. If we don’t process these emotions, for example sadness or anger, they can become stuck, suppressed or repressed in our body.

There are a multitude of ways that emotion affects our stress levels and considerable benefits in learning how to process them.

When we learn to recognize and process emotions in a healthy way, we can develop greater self-awareness and improve our resilience and ability to cope with stress and challenging situations. Improving emotional intelligence and balance can help us to better understand ourselves and our needs, leading to greater self-acceptance and self-esteem.

By developing self-awareness and healthy coping mechanisms, we can reduce the impact of stress on our bodies and improve our ability to navigate the challenges of life.

In fact, I’m so passionate about this topic that I have developed and run an Emotional Balance Workshop. If you want to hear more about this please reach out.

In many ways I feel like my role as a Coach, Healer and Educator, at its core, is teaching people how to feel and express themselves, in natural and healthy ways. I work with many individuals to develop personalized strategies for managing the stress they feel in their life.

How Does the Body Feel When it is Not Stressed?

When the body is not stressed, you will typically feel relaxed and at ease. Physiologically, your body may exhibit a lower heart rate, normal blood pressure, and more regulated breathing. Plus, your muscles may be more relaxed, and there’s a general feeling of well-being and calmness.

When your body is not experiencing stress, you will likely have more energy and be able to focus better. Your mind can feel clearer, and there may be a greater sense of mental clarity and emotional stability. Additionally, your body should be better able to regulate its systems, including the immune system, digestive system, and reproductive system.

Overall, when your body is not experiencing stress, it can feel more balanced, peaceful, and harmonious, which is often associated with a greater sense of well-being and a more positive outlook on life.

In Conclusion

I facilitate a range of virtual workshops catering to both the general public and corporate clients. With my expertise as a Coach and Healer, specialising in assisting high achievers and leaders, I often find that many of my clients commence our sessions burdened with overwhelming stress.

Witnessing their remarkable transformations and the newfound balance and calm they achieve through our ongoing collaboration is a true honor and privilege. I firmly believe that diminishing stress levels is entirely attainable.

By implementing these tips, you can develop a toolbox of skills and strategies for managing stress and processing emotional and mental challenges. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of life, and be willing to reach out for help and support when you need it.

Christy is a change maker, working primarily with high achievers, leaders and corporates. She thrives on empowering individuals and teams to create and live their best life – despite the many challenges it can throw our way. She offers Corporate Wellbeing & Productivity Workshops, 1:1 Coaching, Self Directed Healing & Grief Education.

What is your business and how do you help your clients?

Creating Change guides and supports people to live their best life, tap into their potential, and show up as their best self.

As a Life Coach, Healer and Educator, I am passionate about creating and delivering Workshops and Coaching that focuses on the biggest challenges that people face in life, like grief, trauma, self-sabotage, feeling stuck, anxious, overwhelm, anger, stress and burnout.

I help my clients by achieving fast and sustainable results. My work has a strong focus on teaching the crucial skills we never learnt at school that are necessary to successfully navigate life. For example:

• emotional intelligence and balance
• navigating successful relationships
• productivity and time management
• effective communication skills
• overcoming procrastination and self-sabotage
• healing the deepest of emotional pain like grief, trauma, old wounds and triggers
• developing your mindset for success and results
• building healthy habits
• designing and living your best life
• how to be truly happy, motivated and inspired

The workshops we currently offer are:

• Master Your Time – Master Your Life
• Crucial Conversations
• Emotional Balance
• All About Fatigue
• Work-life Balance
• Living with Grief and Trauma

Tell us about your greatest career achievements so far

I am very proud of my work and achievements to date. I am the only person in the world with my unique skill set.

I was recently formally recognised as a finalist in the 2023 Australian Small Business Champion and 2022 Australian Women’s Small Business Champion Awards.

I am the Global Self Directed Healing Practitioner Trainer, a Life & Results Coach, and Certified Grief Educator.

I have recently joined David Kessler’s Tender Hearts team as a Moderator in their worldwide Online Grief Support Group.

In addition, I have a strong HR and Organisational Development background of over 20 years, across many sectors, plus I have worked as a 000 operator.

Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today.

I discovered Self Directed Healing while working at a Wellbeing Festival. I was blown away by the process and the audience’s reaction. It was quite remarkable, seeing such deep emotional healing and transformations occur so quickly.

The very next morning tragedy imploded my world and my cheeky, fun loving, 18-year-old son Aaron died in a car accident. The grief I experienced was overwhelmingly brutal. The emotional, mental and spiritual pain was so intense, that it quickly escalated into strong physical symptoms.

I knew I needed help but I’d also done enough work to know I didn’t need to be medicated to numb my pain and keep me trapped in it for longer.

Despite being a life coach, I did not have the tools, education, or ability to cope with and process grief or trauma. The grief quickly manifested physically in my body in many ways, including weight loss and heart palpitations.

I quickly recognised that we are living in a very grief-illiterate and emotionally immature society. I knew something had to change, so I became the change.

I did a Self Directed Healing Session and it was a monumental step in understanding what is truly possible in healing the human body.

Fast forward to today, I am now the Global trainer, having trained over 200 Self Directed Healing Practitioners worldwide (so far!).

What kind of audience do you target your business towards?

Given the holistic nature and approach of my work, I have 3 key audiences.

1. High Achievers and Leaders
2. Corporates looking for team training
3. Individuals struggling with grief, trauma and life transitions

Our Creating Change workshops are a game-changing solution for a team’s well-being and productivity.

They are full of practical hands-on tips for improving well-being and performance with the ultimate goal of improving mental, emotional and physical well-being both in the workplace and in people’s lives. Moving them towards living life with passion and purpose.

Professional Development Workshops combined with Health & Wellbeing initiatives are an important strategy for business success, productivity, and growth. If organizations value and look after their leaders & employees, they will have a better workplace culture and higher staff engagement and retention.

Whether you’re looking to reduce stress, increase efficiency, shift culture, improve work-life balance, or enhance team collaboration, our workshops offer transferable skills that can be applied both personally and professionally.

Plus I work 1:1 with many high achievers and leaders across the globe, helping them to get the results they want, while at the same time finding their balance across the many different aspects of their life.

What are your current goals for your business?

I have 3 key goals:

1. Raise societal awareness by increasing literacy around grief and trauma. We all experience this in some form or other, it’s part of life.
2. Teach people how to heal themselves and that healing is possible no matter the situation.
3. Demonstrate and guide people to tap into their potential and live their best life.

I’m here to teach people it’s natural and normal to feel and express their emotional pain, and show them how to process these deep emotions in healthy ways.

I am currently working towards creating a Group Coaching Program called The SOL Program (School of Life). The SOL focus is on key aspects of a person’s life journey eg: career, relationships, health & wellbeing, wealth, hobbies & interests, plus more. Guiding them through powerful learnings and skills. Empowering them to strive for their dreams and goals, enhancing their life in all areas.

If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why?

As a Certified Grief Educator, Life Coach, and the Global Self Directed Healing Practitioner Trainer & Mentor, I teach therapists, healers and practitioners from around the world, and have discovered that most do not know how to naturally and effectively process deep emotional pain. This is not something they are taught in their studies.

Society has evolved to suppress natural emotions to the point where it is extremely unhealthy. We do not know how to deal with deep grief and trauma, nor do we know how to support those who are experiencing loss. We are also expected to repress anger, and to numb our pain, as if it is abnormal to feel.

In Australia we have the 2nd highest rate in the world for prescribing medications for depression and anxiety. This is not okay and it’s alarming, especially when there are other options available, like Self Directed Healing, that are completely natural, that work, are fast and empower you to heal yourself.

Plus the Coaching industry is not regulated which means that anyone can call themselves a coach. This creates confusion because there is so much inconsistency in the delivery and quality of Coaching services.

What’s the main thing I need to know about healing?

That it is possible.

Everything we need is already within us. We just need to learn how to access it. It’s a skill we practice and build.

Our bodies talk to us, we need to learn to tune in, listen and give ourselves permission to feel.

The majority of disease in the body is caused by stress. Stress is indicated to cause 75 – 90% of disease in the body. Stress is an emotion and if your body is screaming at you, you need to pay attention and do something about it. There is nothing more important than your health & well-being.

It doesn’t matter how much pain, grief or trauma you are carrying or have buried, with the right Coach and Healer it is totally possible to heal.

What is one thing people can do, right now, today, to start Creating Change in their own life?

Get a Life Coach and do some Self Directed Healing. Simple. A Life Coach will fast-track your results and help you clarify what’s most important to you. Once you have an idea of where you’re heading, we begin identifying where you are now and mapping the steps needed to reach your goals.

It’s important to understand that self-sabotage is real. Limiting beliefs, conflicting values, and trapped emotional pain will block your path. Working with a Self Directed Healing Practitioner is a perfect compliment to Life Coaching.

What is your favorite aspect of what you do?

I literally have the honor and privilege of seeing people’s lives transform in front of my eyes, daily. It’s an absolute blessing.

I change peoples lives, it doesn’t get much better or more powerful than that.

Plus, through my work, I continually honor my son Aaron, everyday.

I consider Aaron and Self Directed Healing to be my 2 superpowers.

Building a healthy and successful relationship is a journey that requires effort, patience, and effective communication. However, along the way, many couples experience relationship pitfalls that can derail their progress and cause problems. By recognizing these common pitfalls, and taking steps to avoid them, you can build a strong and fulfilling relationship that lasts.

Firstly, it’s important to understand that a successful relationship is determined by how well it meets the needs of both parties. We have 2 core jobs in a relationship;

1. To actively work to learn your partner’s needs
2. To actively teach your partner what your needs are

It’s about both working towards each other to learn and meet each other’s needs.

Successful relationships are typically underpinned by friendship which for most people is a combination of affection, loyalty, love, respect, and trust.

Relationship Challenges and Pitfalls

Successful relationships are built on a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. While every relationship is unique and may face different challenges, here are some common ones that can arise.

Communication Breakdown

One of the most significant challenges in any relationship is poor communication. When communication breaks down, it can lead to either conflict or shutdown and withdrawal. Misunderstandings and hurt feelings can be challenging to resolve if you have not learned the skills to effectively communicate and voice your emotions and feelings, in a healthy respectful way.

It’s essential to establish clear communication channels and be willing to openly listen to each other’s needs and concerns. Then express your own in a way that’s respectful and non-judgmental, plus be willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you.

Active listening is key in this case, where you pay proper attention and repeat or summarize what the other person is saying to show or clarify understanding.

Lack of Trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and without it, problems will arise. If you find yourself struggling with trust issues, try to identify the root cause of your distrust. Go deep with this, deeper than the surface issue. Is this a pattern in your relationships? Has your partner betrayed your trust in the past, or are you dealing with unresolved issues from the past that are potentially triggering you?

Once you’ve identified the root cause of your trust issues, work with your partner to address them. This may involve setting healthy boundaries, being more transparent with each other, or seeking help from a professional Coach or Healer.

Neglecting Self-Care

Another common pitfall in relationships is neglecting self-care. When we’re focused on our partner and our relationship, it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves. However, neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. To avoid this pitfall, make sure you’re taking time for yourself on a regular basis. This can include practicing self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time with yourself, friends and family.

Jealousy and Insecurity

Jealousy and insecurity can put a strain on any relationship. It can be challenging to manage these emotions, but it’s important to recognize them, take responsibility, and work to address them. Working with a Coach or Healer can help you to understand and heal the root causes while building trust, learning to communicate openly, and working on your self-esteem.

Inability to Resolve Conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how you manage it that determines the strength and longevity of the relationship. When couples are unable to resolve their conflicts in a healthy way, problems will arise. You need to work on developing your conflict resolution skills.

It’s essential to approach conflict with a problem-solving mindset and to focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. This can include active listening, understanding, and learning to express your feelings in a non-confrontational way, and being open to compromise and finding solutions that work for both of you. Expressing empathy, and using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can also be very helpful.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are both constantly triggering each other, this is a sign that there are old wounds in play. You need to take action and responsibility for how you are contributing to the conflict. Going silent and withdrawing is also contributing to communication breakdown. It’s important to learn how to express yourself and have healthy boundaries. I suggest you speak to a Coach or Healer who can help you to navigate, process and heal your pain, plus work with you to develop these skills, so you can show up more fully in the relationship.

I find it useful when I’m working with my clients to ask what they ultimately want in their relationship. Typically they want to get along, be there for each and enjoy each other’s company. When you have an idea of what you are working towards, it makes it easier to take some of the steps needed to get there.

Taking Each Other for Granted

When couples have been together for a long time, it’s easy to take each other for granted. This can lead to a situation where we stop appreciating and valuing our partners. To avoid this pitfall, make sure you’re regularly expressing gratitude and appreciation for your partner.

Take time to notice the good stuff and celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Consciously work to outwardly express your love and affection in small, meaningful ways.

Different Expectations, Values and Goals

Another common challenge in relationships is when two people have different expectations, values and goals. This can be especially true when it comes to things like finances, religion, lifestyle choices, family and the future.

To address this, it’s important to have open and honest discussions about what you both want and be willing to compromise or find common ground when necessary and where possible. Finding ways to support each other’s aspirations and values is an important aspect of having both your needs met.

Maintaining a Sense of Individuality

In healthy relationships, partners respect each other’s individuality and support each other’s personal growth. However, it can be easy to lose sight of this and become overly dependent on your partner, which can lead to co-dependency. It’s important to maintain your own hobbies, interests, friendships, and your sense of self, as this can help keep the relationship fresh and exciting.

Navigating Life Changes

Life is full of changes and transitions, and relationships need to be able to adapt to these changes.

They can come in many shapes and forms, including:

• A move to a new place
• Losing or changing jobs
• The addition of children to the family
• Trouble conceiving a child
• Building your own business
• Losing a loved one
• Retirement
• Poor health or injury, and so much more!

It’s important to be flexible and willing to work together to adjust as these changes arise.

External Stressors

External stressors, such as work, financial issues, or family problems, can put a strain on any relationship. It’s important to support each other through these challenges and to work together to find solutions. Remember, you’re on the same team!

Tips for Maintaining a Successful Relationship

A functional healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel valued, respected, and supported. It is a relationship where both partners are committed to the relationship and work together to overcome challenges.

To help you dive deeper and support you towards having a more fulfilled relationship, I have developed a self-assessment activity called How Functional is my Relationship. Click on the link to get started.

I also have an Effective Listening Skills Activity. Reach out, and I will send it your way.

Here are some tips for having a functional healthy relationship:

1. Communicate openly and effectively: be open and honest with each other. Communication is key to building trust and maintaining a healthy relationship. Listen to your partner, express your feelings clearly and respectfully, and work to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Practice active listening, which involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what your partner says.
2. Respect each other’s individuality: and support each other’s personal growth.
3. Show affection, appreciation, and gratitude regularly: Show your partner that you appreciate them and their efforts. Say “thank you” and show your appreciation in small ways. This can help to strengthen your bond and make your partner feel valued.
4. Spend quality time together: Make time for each other and prioritize the relationship. Spending quality time together is important for maintaining a strong connection. Make time for date nights, shared hobbies, or simply spending time together doing something you both enjoy.
5. Remember, no relationship is perfect: and it’s okay to have disagreements or conflicts. Over time, it’s inevitable that there will be ups and there will also be downs. What’s important is how you work through them together.
6. Give and receive emotional support: In a healthy relationship, partners provide emotional support to each other. They are there to listen, offer advice, and provide comfort when needed.
7. Shared responsibilities: How balanced are the responsibilities in your household? Successful couples share responsibilities for managing the household, finances, and other aspects of their lives. They work together as a team to ensure that everything runs smoothly.
8. Intimacy and affection: A healthy relationship includes regular physical intimacy and affection. Partners should feel comfortable and safe with each other, and they should enjoy spending time together. If you don’t have time, you need to schedule it! I work with a lot of clients in this area, so if this is a challenge for you, reach out.
9. Healthy boundaries: Healthy couples respect each other’s boundaries. They understand and accept each other’s need for personal space, alone time, and individual interests. They are able to express their own feelings and concerns clearly and work together to find a mutually acceptable solution.
10. Shared interests: Successful couples share common interests and hobbies, but they also allow each other to pursue their own interests. They support each other’s passions and encourage each other to try new things.
11. Growth and development: In a healthy relationship, both partners encourage each other’s growth and development. They support each other’s personal and professional goals, and they work to help each other become the best version of themselves.
12. Practice forgiveness: No relationship is perfect, and forgiveness is an essential part of a fantastic relationship. Learn to forgive your partner when they make mistakes and be willing to seek and accept forgiveness when you make mistakes as well. If you keep being triggered by the past, you have healing work to do.
13. Keep things fresh and exciting: It’s important to keep things fresh and exciting in a relationship. Try new things together, surprise each other, and work to keep the romance alive.

To get started and support you towards having a more fulfilled relationship, take the How Functional is my Relationship assessment now. Click on the link to get started.

I also have an Effective Listening Skills Activity. Reach out, and I’ll send it your way.

Building a healthy and successful relationship requires effort, patience, and communication. It doesn’t just happen. Recognizing these common relationship pitfalls, as they arise and taking steps to avoid them, helps to build a strong and fulfilling relationship that lasts.

Remember to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, prioritize self-care, develop conflict-resolution skills, set healthy boundaries, and express gratitude and appreciation on a regular basis. It’s all about creating a relationship that’s built on trust, respect, and mutual love and support.

If you’re interested in improving the quality of your relationships, reach out now for a free discovery call to explore how working with a Life Coaching and Self Directed Healing Practitioner is a strong catalyst for positive change in your life and in your relationships.

Working with a life coach and self-directed healing (SDH) practitioner can help you create a more fulfilling and meaningful life by helping you identify and achieve your goals, overcome obstacles, and develop a greater sense of self-awareness, balance, and personal growth.

Coaching and Self Directed Healing are different approaches that complement each other well. Coaching helps clients identify their goals and work towards achieving them, while SDH helps clients process and release emotional pain and blockages preventing them from reaching their goals and living a truly fulfilling life. They are the perfect partners.

What is Life Coaching?

Coaching is a process that transports people from where they are to where they want to be. It’s like having a Personal Trainer for your mind and it’s one of the fastest-growing industries on earth today.

There is always a strong focus on the action you can take right now and the aim is to improve performance.

A great way to think of a life coach is as an action-oriented mentor who can help you access and reach your potential. They will focus on what’s in your life right now, what you ideally want to achieve, and how that gap can be navigated.

A life coach is trained to help individuals identify their goals, develop a plan for achieving them, and overcome the obstacles that may be preventing them from reaching their full potential. By providing feedback, support, and guidance, a life coach can help individuals gain clarity, focus, and confidence, leading to greater success in their personal and professional lives.

A big challenge to be aware of in the coaching industry is that there are no regulations or standards of care for life coaches. Anyone can call themselves a coach. This means that a person must do their due diligence before signing up to work with a life coach.

It’s important to ensure they has received thorough training through a recognised certified body. Plus, I’d recommend checking testimonials, awards, collaborations, and social contributions.

Ask yourself, are they demonstrating a good level of success? What do their clients say?

What is Self Directed Healing?

Self Directed Healing is a revolutionary healing modality, that simultaneously works on all aspects of a person’s being causing powerful and transformational results.

It’s a simple, fast, and measurable process that identifies the root cause of problems and shifts deep blocks that enable you to achieve and sustain emotional health and well-being.

This modality releases deep emotional pain, like grief, trauma, anger, fear, stress (and more) as well as limiting beliefs, energetically through the physical body and the conscious mind.

Leading to a greater sense of inner balance, well-being, and purpose.

Self Directed Healing is revolutionising the way we realise our potential and dramatically increasing the speed that this occurs. As well as working with your current pain and challenges, we can access early childhood emotions, beliefs, and trauma by working with your ‘inner child’ and processing old wounds and pain, back from when they originated.

A Self Directed Healing practitioner is trained to help individuals identify and release emotional blockages that may be affecting their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. These blockages may be caused by many things including past traumas, grief, disconnection, emotions, or limiting beliefs that are holding individuals back from living to their fullest potential.

Bridging the Gap

A session with a life coach will feel a lot different than one with an SDH practitioner. Coaching provides actions, planning, structure, and accountability while SDH is more about consciously processing emotional energy, releasing deep pain, and self-sabotaging patterns.

“Coaching sessions are more forward-focused and action orientated, whereas, in SDH sessions our conversation is usually determined by how they’re feeling and what people or events may have triggered their feelings.”

In recent years, more and more people are seeing the benefits of working with life coaches and SDH practitioners for their personal growth and development, and are turning to them for help in solving their problems and making positive, focused steps toward their goals.

“A coach looks at your present to help you create the future you desire, while an SDH practitioner works with your past to help you manage your present, enabling a more positive future path”

Whether you are seeking to overcome challenges, develop better emotional balance, achieve your goals, or simply live a more fulfilling life, working with a life coach and SDH practitioner can help you fast-track unlocking your full potential and achieving your dreams.

21 benefits of working with a life coach and SDH Practitioner

1. Discover your true purpose in life
2. Strengthen your self-esteem
3. Increase your self-confidence
4. Acquire clarity and focus
5. Identify and release old patterns of thinking and behavior that are no longer serving you
6. Enhance your communication skills
7. Develop healthier relationship and social skills
8. Achieve a better work-life balance
9. Heal past emotional issues including grief and trauma
10. Overcome fear and insecurity
11. Overcome procrastination and feeling stuck
12. Create a more positive and fulfilling life
13. Achieve greater emotional intelligence, connection, and understanding
14. Become more productive and efficient
15. Devise an action plan and attain more success
16. Receive practical guidance, support, and understanding to help you move forward
17. Reduce stress, anxiety, and depression
18. Learn to cope better with difficult situations
19. Develop greater self-awareness and self-acceptance
20. Achieve greater personal and professional success
21. Set and reach meaningful life goals

If you’re interested in getting a better sense:

• of who you are
• what you’re capable of
• unearthing your skills, talents, and gifts
• and discovering what gives your life meaning

Then I’d encourage you to reach out. There are often blind spots below the surface that we can struggle to uncover by ourselves.

I offer free discovery calls for you to explore if coaching and self-directed healing are right for you. You can book yours today.

For more information and access to free resources check out our YouTube Channel and follow us on the social links below.

A conversation has the power to change your life, and the power is in your hands.

Christy Roberts – Creating Change
Award-winning Coach, Healer & Educator

In today’s relentlessly busy world, juggling all the constant demands while maintaining balance sounds like a myth. Yet, we all have the power to create change in our lives.

The problem is that we’re not taught how to effectively do this. The majority of us don’t know how to keep the balance and create an extraordinary and successful life.

I’m here to share that it’s totally possible, and I’ll show you how.

Personal success has 3 key parts – showing up, doing the work, and playing full out.

What are the signs that you are ‘off balance’?

Firstly, how do you know if you don’t have balance and what should you be looking for?

Here are some pretty good indicators to watch out for, you are:

• overtired and fatigued
• Stressed out
• Anxious
• Overwhelmed
• Demotivated
• Lacking inspiration
• Feeling stuck (in a rut)
• Confused
• Unhappy

And you probably feel there is never enough time for yourself or to do the things you really enjoy.

Running the house, managing your workload, and juggling the demands of the family and your life simply take over.

If you feel like you are relentlessly busy all the time, and it just doesn’t let up, that’s a pretty good sign that you are off balance.

When there’s no time left for your own personal fulfillment, rest, health, and well-being, it’s a problem and needs your attention.

Being in a constant state of unease is not sustainable. It will result in symptoms ‒ mental, emotional, and/or physical pain or illness.

Let’s take a step back for a moment. Prior to these signs appearing there are indicators that are worth watching for, here are a few of the main ones:

• You lack clarity in relation to your personal vision. You do not have a strong sense of purpose and/or direction in life
• You may have poor boundaries and are either not clear about what you need or not effectively communicating it
• Poor productivity and organisational skills
• You are focusing on low-value tasks
• Limiting beliefs and mindset
• You have not processed your old wounds, grief, and trauma
• You are stuck, or procrastinating on the things that are important to you
• Putting the majority of your energy and focus into one area of your life and neglecting others
• You are a ‘people pleaser’, to your detriment
• You don’t take time out for your own self-care

What do I need to do?

• Recognise the signs of procrastination
• Determine small actions you can start taking today
• Work on your purpose of life statement (why are you here?)
• Increase awareness of your ultimate vision
• Focus on improving your current level of happiness and contentment
• Do Self Directed Healing to process your past emotional pain and deep wounds
• Work with a coach to improve your belief systems
• Learn about improving your boundaries
• Improve your self esteem and confidence
• Prioritise your needs, well-being, and self-care.

There are many areas in our life that need focus, including:

1. Career/profession
2. Relationships
3. Health & Wellbeing
4. Interests and activities
5. Wealth & Abundance

It’s no point having an incredibly successful career, if your relationships suffer.

It’s no point having a load of money in the bank if you have poor health.

It’s no point having a great relationship if you have no personal interests or passions.

It’s all about balancing the different aspects of your life, healing your inner world, prioritising yourself, and learning to process your emotions.

Working with a Life Coach is a fast-track way to get results and balance. Coaching is a very personal journey as each and every one of us is different.

It gives you a blueprint of what work-life balance is, for you, and your unique map of how to achieve it.

When you do this work, you will see a positive shift. It’s impossible not to.

Finding your purpose is about discovering your ‘northern star’. Once you get clarity around your dreams, personal vision, and goals – you can begin mapping out the pathway there. Breaking the journey into steps.

Managing our time and deciding what’s important to us is often a challenge. If you want to know more you can join our Master Your Time ‒ Master Your Life Online Program.

Doing the inner healing work enables you to process your deep emotional wounds so that you can reconnect with more love, joy, freedom, and inner peace. It builds confidence, trust, and self-esteem.

The distance between your dreams and your reality is called action.

Decide to take action because what we focus on is what we get. If you focus on improving the balance in your life and take strategic, consistent action toward it, it will improve.

If you’d like to know more, reach out to me via the Creating Change website, or social media platforms (links are below).

I work with clients around the world, online via zoom. You can book me 1:1 or join our Group Coaching Program.

You can start this journey today and be on your way to a life with more balance and meaning. It’s totally up to you.

On a final note, I’d encourage you to brainstorm a list of things that make you happy. Pick a couple of them and start doing that!

Creating Change’s work is focused on tapping into our full potential and living our best life, despite the many challenges that life presents.

I trust you’ve gained value from this article.

To see more of our content check out our website ChristyRobertsCoaching.com. There are a number of free resources and events available.

You can also view our videos on the ChristyRobertsCreatingChange YouTube Channel. Please remember to like and subscribe.

Christy Roberts – Creating Change
Award-winning Coach, Healer & Educator

Life is meant to be fully lived, it’s why we are here. Imagine your life is a Hollywood movie and you’re the writer. You can scribble it out, tear it up and start again whenever and wherever you like. Keep perfecting it, keep changing it, write well, and edit often.

Living an extraordinary life doesn’t just happen, we create it. We are born full of limitless possibilities and potential.

We are born with curiosity, optimism, love, and adventure.

Our minds have the capacity of the most powerful computers on the planet, and we are the operators.

To reach our potential we must learn to fly, unlock the chains and restrictions that hold us back and set ourselves free of our inhibitions.

This is what you were born to do, it’s why you’re here!

It’s your life, so create your masterpiece

There are many layers to this conversation, including:

• Learning to free the residual build-up of the trapped emotional pain we all carry.
• Learning to free your mind from the beliefs that limit you.
• Creating more empowering beliefs.
• Finding your authentic self ‒ the person you were always meant to be before life came along and changed you.
• Discovering who you are meant to be and what you’re truly capable of.
• Connecting with the things that motivate and inspire you.
• Unearthing the pathway there, mapping it out, and creating your own unique blueprint.
• Taking the actions needed to create the life you want.
• Never settling for less, stopping, or giving up.

Always remember, you don’t have to do this on your own. Self Directed Healing is a very effective natural therapy for releasing deep emotional pain and clearing limiting beliefs.

Working with a Life Coach will guide you in the right direction toward your goals. It will fast-track your results and keep you focused and accountable.

Investing in yourself and improving your life is the best investment you will ever make.

Did you know that only 2% of people are living their life by design?

Most people drift into an ordinary, mediocre existence, i.e.:

• Making do
• Getting by
• Being reasonably happy
• Doing OK
• Not blinging in bliss ‒ but content

Do you want to be in the 2%, living your life with passion and purpose, but have no idea where to start? Are you ready to level up? Then read on …

The 7 Steps to Living with Passion and Purpose

Living with meaning and purpose is like rocket fuel for humans.

In a nutshell, here’s the higher-level process I follow when working with clients:

1. Identify where you are now
2. Decide what’s most important to you
3. Clarify your future vision (what is your purpose?)
4. Recognise your blocks, hurdles, and challenges
5. Work towards healing and removing the blocks
6. Plan a pathway, your map, toward your future vision
7. Take small and consistent actions.

Your purpose must align with your values and beliefs. Goals that are aligned with who you are as a person, with your values and your beliefs will naturally connect with your intrinsic motivation and create passion and purpose.

What do you want?

Setting your expectations and creating a blueprint, helps you get clear on what’s important to you, and acts as a guide for where you need to focus and concentrate your efforts.

Well-set goals can be incredibly motivating, and as you get into the habit of setting and achieving goals, you’ll find that your self-confidence builds.

Brainstorm: What do you want?

Here are some examples:

• Do you want to be the next CEO?
• Do you want a promotion?
• Do you want to grow or start your own business?
• Do you want to be a leader and help others?
• Do you want to have a balanced life?
• Do you want a better relationship?
• Do you want to improve your love and sex life?
• Do you want more quality time?
• Do you want to lose weight?
• Do you want to heal an injury?
• Do you want to improve your health and fitness?
• Do you want more money in the bank?
• Do you want to finish some studies?
• Do you want to give back to your community?

HOT TIP: Consider how you’ll feel when you achieve these goals. Give yourself time to feel those feelings, in your body. Meditate, visualise and write it down, always connecting with the feelings. Ultimately, the goal you are seeking is really about the feeling you’ll get when you achieve these things, it’s not the actual thing!

For example, do you want to feel more joy, love, freedom, and inner peace? This is the real goal, all the other ‘stuff’ is simply the vehicle to help you attain it.

SO … if joy, love, freedom, and inner peace are the ultimate destination you’re seeking then why isn’t everybody working towards getting there?

It’s because we don’t know how. We’ve never been shown or taught these skills. So many of us are stuck in the relentless, day-to-day, hamster wheel of life, and we’ve lost our vision, our way.

The distance between your dreams and your reality is called focused action.

Taking Focused Action …

Consider: What is something that you can do right now or today, each day, every day, and just do that. Keep moving towards your goals.

When it comes to living on purpose, it’s important to set goals in the key areas of your life, e.g., health, career, relationships, wealth, and interests.

Download our free Goal Setting Workbook now to get started.

Get excited, this is totally doable, and keep going …

One of the reasons I’m successful in business and in life is that I don’t give up.

The minute you give up, that’s it, game over.

• I’m very connected to my bigger purpose and vision ‒ my WHY.
• I regularly work on the belief systems and emotions that limit and block me.
• I work on getting really clear on my goals.
• I decide on the strategies I’m going to implement to help me reach my goals.
• I work to continually develop and improve my skills.
• I review my goals regularly, and correct course if needed
• I stay focused and take consistent action.

Decide to take action. What we focus on is what we get. If you want results, you need to act.

What happens when you’re ‘off course’?

In an ideal world, we set our goals, map out the steps, take action, get some momentum, take more action, and reach our goal.

However, that’s not usually how life works. It’s rarely that straightforward.

When it comes to your life and the goals you set yourself, the trick is not to worry about making a wrong decision, it’s learning to course correct.

How do you know when you’re off course? When you’re not living on purpose?

The 2 most obvious signs are:

confusion and unhappiness

Notice your pain and triggers. How are they showing up for you, and what set them off? Mental and emotional pain or discomfort is saying – “Hey, that’s not it!”

This is a good thing, notice them, and see them as indicators. This is your internal compass or guidance system. It’s your body telling you to course correct.

It’s all feedback, so PAY ATTENTION!

If and when things dive and you find yourself off track, don’t give up! Just pay attention and course correct ‒ it’s simply feedback.

Remember: the past cannot be changed, and the future is the direct result of what you do right now!

Next steps:

Download our free Goal Setting or Procrastination Workbooks.

Check out my Brainz article on 9 Smart Goal Setting Questions You Need To Ask Yourself.

Listen to our Podcast on Overcoming Self Sabotage.

If time management is a challenge for you, I encourage you to come along to our Master Your Time ‒ Master Your Life FREE MasterClass

Or check out our self-paced online program Master Your Time ‒ Master Your Life.

Need some help, then reach out ‒ we offer free discovery calls. We’ll discuss where you’re at, where you want to be, what needs to change, and how working with a world-class Coach & Healer could be the next step to fast-track your results toward living your life with passion and purpose.

Your life is so precious, don’t waste it.

The POWER is in your hands.

Christy Roberts – Creating Change
Award-winning Coach, Healer & Educator

When someone you love dies, special occasions like Christmas, New Year, birthdays, and many other days that were once joyful and celebrated are now a huge trigger for our grief.

A constant reminder that our loved one is no longer with us. Of how different our life now is, and that life continues to go on without them.

As a bereaved mother, Grief Educator, Coach, and the Global Self Directed Healing Practitioner Trainer, I know all too well what a huge problem this is because these once joyful days become events we withdraw from and often fear and dread. We can begin to worry about them weeks in advance.

The grief builds in your body, because you know it’s going to trigger your pain, your grief, your loss, and you already know how much that hurts.

… and how much we miss them.

Doing ‘the work’

The ‘grief work’ is about learning and using healthy strategies for integrating and coping with your loss today and in the future.

• Processing and understanding your grief
• Feeling your emotional pain, rather than disconnecting, avoiding, or suppressing it
• Connect with yourself and others
• Find ways to honor your loved one
• Redefine the relationship you have with your loved one
• And rebuilding your life after the loss

We often judge our grief, feeling like we’re not doing it right. If you feel like you should be coping better, or be further along in your grief, then you are judging yourself.

Please understand, that time does not heal our grief, it’s what we do with that time that matters the most. Grief takes time, so be kind to yourself.

It’s not a race, but if you do feel stuck and like it’s time you did something, or that you need some support to help you, then reach out to a professional who understands grief.

Make sure they are grief informed. You wouldn’t go to a podiatrist to fix a sore tooth, would you?

Tips for Christmas, Birthdays, and Special Occasions

Remember we are all unique in our grief, therefore different tips will work better for some than others. Choose from these what feels right for you.

1. You have free will

First of all, culturally, there’s usually an expectation that we show up on special occasions, contribute and be happy. Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.

Please understand, you have free will, you might decide it’s too hard and you don’t want to participate, and that needs to be OK.

Some will find comfort in what is familiar. Others will find this incredibly difficult. If it’s too hard, you can cancel Christmas. It will still be there next year.

2. Remove expectations of how you will show up

It’s really helpful to try to remove any expectations of how you ‘think’ you should show up or how you will be on the day.

• You may fear the day in advance, believing you will not cope. Worried about how triggered you’ll be, when in fact on the day, you may feel fine.
• You may feel like you’ll be OK and then on the day, become suddenly overwhelmed by your grief.

The truth is you may spend the day, swinging between happy, angry, guilty, relieved, and sad. Just know, it’s all normal because there is no normal. There’s no right or wrong way because in grief our emotions swing and can be very unpredictable.

I often refer to emotions like waves, they peak, they trough, then they release into the sand.

3. Have an exit strategy

Grief is very heavy and tiring, it’s draining. Being around others can sometimes deplete your already low supply of energy. It’s useful before you arrive at an event, to plan how you can leave quickly if you need to.

For example, when you arrive you can state to the host – I can only stay a short while and if you stay longer, it’s a bonus. Let them be pleasantly surprised.

If you are struggling with energy, I would not recommend hosting events. Unless, of course, you can get some suitable support.

You do have to ask for what you need. People often genuinely want to help, but cannot read your mind, or know what you need. If you are receiving help make sure it’s helping you, not hindering you.

4. NO is a complete sentence.

When people invite you over, if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to explain yourself.

Simply say no thank you. If they don’t like the idea of you being alone that’s their business, not yours.

Say – I understand, no thank you.

They may say – it’s what your loved one would want. They’d want us to be together. Say – no thank you, not this time.

5. Give your grief some time and attention

In the weeks preceding my son’s birthday, I feel the energy in my body change. It gets heavier and I typically find I feel more emotional. I have learned to really listen to my body, it’s a skill that develops with practice. When it begins to build up, I notice and start to spend time more actively working on my grief. You can do this in many ways:

• Writing letters that express how you feel
• Crying
• Self Directed Healing sessions
• Coaching
• Therapy
• Basically, I find ways to feel what needs to be processed and felt.

Processing and working on your grief helps you to show up more balanced, calm and empowered.

Please note: gratitude and meditation – whilst beneficial in the moment, is not healing. It’s like putting a band-aid on your wound. The pain is not processing, therefore it remains buried and will typically keep resurfacing.

6. Have a plan – set yourself up for success

It’s beneficial to plan something to do on a special day in advance.

For example: if your spouse has died, on Valentine’s Day, you could reach out to a friend to do something, so you’re not alone.

On Mother’s Day, I start talking with my mum and daughter weeks in advance. To plan something. Something that we are all happy and comfortable with. The first year we met up for lunch at a historical homestead, in a different environment. It kept me occupied during the day and it ended up being surprisingly quite pleasant.

I focus on surrounding myself with love. People I love and who love me. People whose company I enjoy. I also focus on doing things that I enjoy.

There have been a couple of occasions where I have not planned ahead, thinking I’ll be OK. I have arrived at the day and felt at loose ends and find it exacerbates my grief.

7. Find ways to accept and include your grief

There’s no way we’re ever forgetting them, so one of the keys here is to include your grief on special occasions. With no apologies.

• If we show up and we’re emotional, or meltdown – let that be OK
• If we want to leave – let that be OK
• If we want to talk and honor them – be open to this
• If we don’t want to talk, then don’t push it

Just be open to whatever feels right in the moment, however, you are showing up, and go with that.

We are not broken, we don’t need to be fixed, we are grieving. It is a normal and natural response to loss.

8. Find ways to honor them

• Visit the gravesite or accident site
• Look at and share photos, and put some out in frames
• Donate to a cause in their honor
• Say a prayer
• Set an extra place on the table
• Light a candle
• Share stories and reminisce
• Create new rituals that include them
• Have an extra gift for them

9. Plan the meal

Grief is often heavy and tiring. You might decide that the traditional meal is too much, so have something frozen. It actually doesn’t matter, be kind and go easy on yourself.

You can cook some of their favorite things to honor them.

I have spaghetti bolognaise nights, and sausage sizzles in my son’s honor because he really enjoyed these. Plus it’s an easy way to bring those who were close to him together.

10. Communicate with all members of the family

Grief in families can be complex because everyone grieves differently.

You might find some family members want to come together while others adamantly don’t.

Often you’ll hear yourself or someone else complaining about other family members. Please remember, everyone grieves differently and these differences can often trigger judgment, which just creates more friction.

Everyone is entitled to grieve in their own unique way. No one will grieve the same way you do, so it is not realistic to expect that.

Some want the Christmas tree up and for others, it’s a massive trigger.

Communication here is essential. It’s so important to explore ways to honor each person in their grief. Expressing what you need is empowering.

• We need to listen
• We need to discuss
• We need to be open to finding a pathway that works for everyone.

Also remember to include the children – they are often the forgotten grievers.

11. You create the rules

If you need to create new rituals and traditions this is a good opportunity. Just because you’ve always done something a certain way doesn’t mean it can’t change.

Create new traditions. That can be a wonderful way to honor your loved one and honor your grief.

12. Look after yourself

Go for walks, exercise, drink lots of water, eat healthy foods, write, massage, whatever works for you.

13. Reach out for external support

It can be so much easier to work with someone who is grief informed and can guide you through effective ways to heal and integrate your loss.

It’s also beneficial to talk to people who have experienced loss. Talking and having your pain witnessed is incredibly powerful.

At the end of the day, the reality is, we’re entitled to feel whatever we feel and do whatever we want to do. It’s our grief and ours alone. It’s our right to be, and to feel whatever we want, whenever we need.

And remember – love yourself enough not to judge your grief.

Be your own best friend, and be kind to yourself.

I know beyond a doubt that our loved ones, without exclusion, would want this for us.

I trust you’ve gained value from this article. I have more articles and resources on my website christyrobertscoaching.com.

Keep an eye out for our free Living with Grief MasterClasses. They are jam-packed with valuable education and designed for both grievers and those in support and leadership/therapy/healer roles. Check out our events here.

I have a number of videos about grief on our YouTube Channel – remember to subscribe & like.

I trust you’ve gained value from these tips and hope that this shines a bit of light onto your pathway, demonstrating that it is possible to have happiness in your life again and thrive after deep loss.

Much love to you all.

In remembrance

Christy Roberts – Creating Change
Award winning Coach, Healer & Educator

Living with meaning and purpose is like rocket fuel for humans. Did you know the average person spends more time planning a holiday than planning their life? A Harvard Business Study showed that 14% of people who have goals are 10 times more successful than those without goals. The 3% with written goals are 3 times more successful than the 14% with unwritten goals. Successful people set goals, write them down, and take action toward achieving them.

We know that when we set clearly defined and structured goals we are significantly more likely to achieve the results we want, yet most of us either don’t take the time to do it or have no idea where to start.

Don’t fall into the trap of living by accident or by default.

Live by design.

When your goals are aligned with who you are as a person, with your values and beliefs, you will naturally connect with more intrinsic motivation, passion, and purpose.

Purpose is our fuel

In this article I’ll be sharing a simple structure you can easily follow to help you create some really cool goals for yourself.

Our life goals can vary from:

• The quality of our relationships
• Running a billion-dollar company
• The next level of your career
• Your health & fitness
• Time with the kids
• $$$ in the bank
• Financial freedom
• Educating ourselves
• Giving back to the community
• And everything in between

Our dreams and aspirations are the seedlings of reality. If your trees are not already growing, then you need to start planting.

NOW!

Setting personal and professional goals is a simple and powerful process that moves you toward your ideal future. The more clarity you have around your future vision, the more motivated you will be to turn this into reality.

As a coach, healer, and educator, I see way too many people living a life that is not even close to their dreams and aspirations. The majority of my new clients do not have defined goals.

Life happens – events like job loss, relationship breakdowns, grief, trauma, even becoming a parent changes you. Many people lose connection with themselves along the way.

It doesn’t need to be that way. It’s totally possible to overcome these hurdles and obstacles, if you’re prepared to step up and do ‘the work’.

Get out your pens and paper because if you’ve read this far, I expect you’re serious about creating change in your life.

This simple activity and questions will get you started toward defining goals that are aligned with what’s most important to you.

They’ll have you planting seeds and moving towards creating a life you want and are proud to be living.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. When you know precisely what you want to achieve a couple of things happen:

Your future vision becomes clearer

Effective goals should act like a compass pointing you towards your true Northern Star.

Not only will you have more clarity around where you’re heading but it will become easier to determine what steps you need to take to get there.

You set your expectations and focus

This guides where you need to focus your attention and concentrate your efforts.

Motivation & Self Confidence builds

Properly set goals can be incredibly motivating. As you get into the habit of setting and achieving goals, you’ll find that your self-confidence and esteem build.

Remember: the past cannot be changed, and the future is the direct result of what you do right now!

As a Life & Results Coach, that works primarily with high achievers and leaders, I use a holistic approach that supports my clients to achieve balance across all aspects of their life, including:

1. Career – profession – business
2. Relationships
   • Partner
   • Family
   • Friends
   • Community
3. Hobbies and Activities
4. Health & Well-being
   • Physical
   • Emotional
   • Mental
   • Spiritual
5. Wealth and Abundance

The 9 Goal Settings Questions

Consider each of the above life areas and answer the following 9 questions, separately, for each category.

Brainstorm your ultimate vision for each area of your life, one at a time, using the following questions. Start with the area you would most like to improve.

1. What is your goal for this area? Success in this area would be …
2. What’s the big picture and what’s the small picture?
3. What 3 things in this area would you like to focus on improving in the next 6 months?
4. What are the barriers or challenges that are currently holding you back? (why aren’t you there already?)
5. What actions can you take to overcome these barriers or challenges?
6. Make a list of all the possible people, businesses, entities, and groups who can help you achieve this goal.
7. What can you do to empower yourself? What choices do you have to improve these challenge areas?
8. Is there anything you’re not doing currently that would make an impact or difference?
9. What specific actions can you take, starting now, that will start moving you closer to achieving your goals?

Setting Goals that are SMART

The biggest mistake people make when they’re setting goals is being too vague. Details are important.

A great tip when setting goals is to Be SMART ‒ ask yourself, is it:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Relevant, and
• Timely?

Once you’ve brainstormed each question for a specific area of your life, revisit each goal ‒ through a SMART lens.

Ask yourself ‒ is it SMART?

If it’s not SMART and doesn’t tick each box, then rework the goal so it is more specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. This ensures your goal is robust, actionable, tangible, and measurable, meaning it provides better clarity and direction and is much more likely to be achieved.

I trust that’s useful.

You can access a free Goal Setting Workbook at christyrobertscoaching.com.

If managing your time or deciding what’s most important to you is a challenge, check out our online course Master Your Time – Master Your Life.

I work with clients around the world, online via zoom. You can book me 1:1 or join our Group Coaching Program.

If you’d like to know more, reach out to me via the Creating Change website.

Happy goal setting.

Christy Roberts – Creating Change
Award-winning Coach, Healer & Educator